Cinema Etiquette Part Two


Phones in the cinema is my biggest bug-bear. It drives me absolutely bonkers, but there’s something that comes in a close second: food.
There’s nothing worse than settling into your seat, the room going dark, the swelling music filling your ears…only to be drowned out by the rustling of a popcorn bag. You ignore it, try and concentrate on the film but then comes the sweet bag symphony, the slurping sonata, the orchestra of eating. Argh! Not to mention the smell! Am I the only one whose stomach turns at the smell of nachos? How anyone can eat them is beyond me! To be honest, cinemas are partly to blame for this. If so many mega crunchy foods weren’t sold, then maybe cinemas would be a quieter, odourless place.

I know I’m not innocent in this, when I was younger I could sneak anything I could in – McDonalds, Subway, I’m pretty sure I took my own packed lunch in before! It’s supposed to be part of the cinema experience – munching away on as many sickly sweet things as possible, that‘s why the cinema foyer is full of different food – but why does everything have to be so noisy?
I wouldn’t mind food in the cinema quite so much if it was quiet, or if people were considerate. How hard it to open that bag of sweets during the trailers so there’s no sound of straining plastic just as the characters are being introduced?
The one thing I don’t understand is popcorn. How can something that is actually quite soft, create so much noise? I’m a fan of popcorn – if it’s offered to me I take up the offer with glee and happily munch away. Yet in cinemas, the noise is amplified by a million it seems. It somehow manages to sound like Doritos, crunching over and over again! Why cinemas decided to put popcorn in a paper bag that acts as an amplifier, I’ll never know.
I know Mark Kermode put forward that all foods eaten in the cinema should be softer than a pillow to ensure minimal crunching and noise. I’m not quite that bad…I just think that Doritos and general über crunchy things should be banned! That and strong smelling things – hotdogs, McDonalds. Nachos obviously fall into both categories and are therefore put under the section of vile!
Am I in the minority? All I want is to enjoy the film, rather than being bombarded by sounds and smells I most definitely didn’t pay for!

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